I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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