I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
