My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
