What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
