She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize