So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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