The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
