Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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