He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
