I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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