wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
