Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
