don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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