if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
