So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
