My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
