so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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