ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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