At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
