dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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