My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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