Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
