Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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