I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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