i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
