Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
