i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
