And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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