Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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