Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
