in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
