how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
