So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
