I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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