I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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