So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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