hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
