Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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