Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
