How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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