Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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