Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
