Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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