I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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