Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
