In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
