I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
