I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
