Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
