The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
