So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
