Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
