you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
