i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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