No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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