What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
