He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
