did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
