Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
it glows. i had to have it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
