do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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