You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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