I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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