so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
