3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
