He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
