Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
