I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
