dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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