Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Two words: blizzard sex
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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