woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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