Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
