fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
