my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
